i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
