My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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