I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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