you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
