Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
