The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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