I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
