do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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