just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
