I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
