lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
