we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
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Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
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Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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