I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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