We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
