i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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