How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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