i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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