I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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