So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
