8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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