I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
