just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
