I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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