If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
