You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
