got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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