I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
