It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
