Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
