I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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