The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
