All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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