my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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