I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
