We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
