i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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