fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
