How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
