A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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