Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
