Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
