I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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