mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
