Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
