No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
