Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
sex in a hospital.. check
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
