He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
