living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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