All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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