Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
