I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
