doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
