If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Is this like a preordered booty call?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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