Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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