it wasn't lemon gatorade
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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