Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
