I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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