i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
