So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
