i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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