I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
