That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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