I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
