It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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