Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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