All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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