you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
