How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
