i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
