There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
