what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
