Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
