My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
