you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
