I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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