How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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