i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
