I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
