This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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