Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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